i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
