so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
