My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
