HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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