and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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