just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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