I want to make a zoo with you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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