mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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