i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
