wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my being single is dangerous.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
