There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
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Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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