I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
