You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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