i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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