so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
