I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
