I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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