I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
