I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
