i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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