OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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