I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
