Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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