So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
