Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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