All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
