Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You dont lie about slip and slides
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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