Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
