Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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