umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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