After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
