just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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