i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
