That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
