he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
