there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
