this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
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The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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