He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
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I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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