HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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