when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
