dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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