Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
