I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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