so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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