White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
