A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
