capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
