after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
