you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
