i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
