i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I've blown a few things in my day
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
