you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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