i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
