Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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