his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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