when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
