Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
